Hello folks,

Welcome to another weekly edition of Donovan's Rant.

This post's topic is something I have grown to despise in recent years, ever since the SuperBoob incident back in January 2004 (or whatever year it was).

What I am talking about folks, are disclaimers. Yes, those annoying messages that you see before your favorite show comes back on after a commercial break or before it starts really grind my gears, to borrow a phrase.

First off, do I really need to know that CSI (on Thursdays at 9pm on CBS for the near forseeable future) contains mature subject matter and violence that may be objectionable to some viewers? That's the reason I fucking watch it in the first place. A show named "Crime Scene Investigation" isn't going to have the now-familiar crew investigating a boxful of lovable puppies (each wrapped in a red bow) appearing on the doorstep of an orphanage.

It isn't going to happen, so why do they need to tell me something that I already know? Better still, why do they feel that they have to read it to me? Last time I checked I was epileptic, not retarded.

But of course CSI (and its incarnations and spinoffs) isn't the only one affected, oh no. They decided to use these same disclaimers against shows such as Family Guy and American Dad. can someone please explain to me how family Guy and American Dad (which have crude humour but are somewhat inoffensive and tongue-in-cheek) get disclaimers while the Simpsons get a pass, even while being in an ealier timeslot? I don't hate these programs, but if you are going to use disclaimers on family Guy, American Dad, and South park, then use it on the Simpsons too.

The sad thing is that who knows if these disclaimers will stop at one. Eventually the FCC, CRTC, and the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council (together known as the "Triangle of Television Terror") will start putting disclaimers before disclaimers. Imagine seeing something that in short says "the next thing you'll see is a disclaimer. It will contain instructions that you may choose to follow. Read and listen carefully".

At that point you might as well do what Elvis did: shoot the TV in disgust and read a book. Books don't have disclaimers, and the only one who'll read the text to you is yourself. Gotta like that eh...

That being said, how about the side effects for prescription and non-prescription drugs in Canada and the US. We have to deal with listening to some guy's voice telling us how great this drug is and how it will solve , but then you listen to the side effects and find out that not only will you feel the side effects you're supposed to fell (such a drowsiness for a sleeping aid), but they also might kill you, because that is what happened to some poor bastard in a testing group who just happened to need $100 a week.

Not only that, but these products that are supposed to be vaccines. I heard an ad for an e-coli in food vaccine for people that travel down to Mexico and other places so that they won't fell an effect commonly known as "Montezuma's Revenge". The first thing they tell you after taking this vaccine is to stay away from foods containing e-coli. As if I'm supposed to know? As if I'm in the kitchen saying "No, Juan, leave the raw meat off of my churro please". Give me a fucking break. When you are vaccinated, you should be able to do and eat whatever the fuck you want. If I take a vaccine to prevent against bees stinging my ass, I should be able to grab the nearest bee hive and shake that mother fucker until the bees start having seizures because with the vaccine, I shouldn't get stung, right? Wrong. According to these companies, even though you have the vaccine, you should stay away from doing these things in the first place. If you can't do what the vaccine should protect against, then it is not a vaccine, period.

Anyway, life isn't bad right now, but I had to get this rant down on paper before I forgot it (a side effect of the seizures and the meds), for all of you to enjoy or be annoyed by.

Agree or disagree? The response line is open...