Hey folks, tell me if you've had this issue....

Have you ever looked at your Facebook page and noticed how many people always tag you with stupid shit, like some e-mail forward that they feel that everyone on their Facebook friends list should do?

The whole idea is to say something intelligent with these notes, and people just regurgitate the same shit thinking that because it is on Facebook, that the same people who ignored the email last time will answer it this time.

Well I, for one, am sick of it. I don't care what your first pet was, or how you lost your virginity. Do me a favour, and keep me out of it. Just do what most of my friends do and, as my daddy used to say "Use your head for something other than a hat rack". Just tell me what I need to know and we'll have no issues.

Long story short, just keep me out of the tags. Is it too much to ask not to bother absolutely everyone with your stupid shit?

Before you send, let the hamster on the wheel in that thing you call a head move first and think.

This message brought to you by Donovan's Cremation Center...you supply em', and we fry 'em.

Just thought I'd put that out there...I'd love some comments if anyone still reads this...

Hey folks,

Now, this subject may seem strange, but go with me on this one as it is quite funny.

After less than two hours sleep and while hanging out with my friend, Doc, somehow the subject came to what we do for our significant others in the bedroom and the subject was brought up regarding breast screwing or mammary intercourse, aka titty fucking.

Now I don't have a problem with this practice, but it's just not for me as I couldn't see punishing my significant other by putting all of my weight onto a place of the human body that isn't meant to hold it. Anyway, I digress about that.

However, Doc I came to a great realization of thought while on this subject.

During the evolution of man, we have spent our entire lives finding ways to put that thing between our legs somewhere...hell, anywhere...inside our significant others. If this evolution continues, could there be a possibility that in a thousand years, we could be looking at something like tracheaotomy fucking being the status quo? I mean, think about it...how freaky would that be? Whipping it out and sliding it into the neck of your partner...and somehow this is considered okay by society.

Are we really on that collision course? Are we going to go that far?

I mean, look at our evolution...holes in wooden boards, chain-link fences, and about ten years ago a block of lard were used to, well, get us off as a human race.

Are we heading there?

Just a thought from me...

Tell me what you think, after yo'ure done vomiting into the nearest receptacle of course.

Hey folks,

Just thought I'd drop by and give you an update as to what has happened as of recent:

- The NHL season started, and the Canucks started it with class by honouring their fallen teammate, Luc Bourdon. I watched the tribute before the home opener against Calgary and had tears in my eyes. I will never be able to listen to "Big League" by Tom Cochrane again without thinking of Luc and what might have been. He truly could have been one of the greats...

- I have been suffering off and on from a headache. I think it is my brain still trying to repair itself after the last seizure, but the Ibuprofen has been helping to get rid of the head pain. There are still things I can't remember and things I used to know that I have no idea about now, so I have decided not to have any more seizures. I am through being "stuck on stupid". Now I will take care of myself, eat something, and work out properly.

So that is the update, for now. I hope all of you are out there, doing well. Keep your stick on the ice, and Go Canucks Go!

Hey folks,

So according to LJ it has been 23 weeks since I last updated this. So what has happened so far? Let's summarize, shall we...

- Finally got the VW Jetta back on the road (and for those that have ridden in it, you know that is a good thing).

- Finally decided what I am going to do with the rest of my life (going back to school and taking industrial electrician 4-year course. It is 8 weeks of study and then 44 weeks of actual work, making great money, plus it gives me something more to hopefully get across the border with so that I can marry my long-time girlfriend and adopt her son as my own).

- Most recently had another massive catastrophic seizure that was totally my own fault (let that be a lesson to you kids: Don't be me. Don't decide to go out and play volleyball at the company picnic on the hottest day of the year while wearing both a hoodie and jacket and having absolutely nothing to eat. Again, kids, don't be me).

So needless to say I was revived by my horrified co-workers and took another trip in an ambulance. After this latest visit however, I have had a moment of personal growth (and those that know me know that doesn't happen often, if at all). I have decided to retire from the following sports:

Football, baseball, basketball, hockey, soccer, volleyball, weightlifting, playing upright arcade video games, and pretty much anything that causes my blood pressure to rise to the point where I start to go towards a seizure.

People that know me know that what I just said kills me a little bit inside, but my family, friends, colleagues, and myself (mainly my family, friends and myself) have found it in our best interest to have me stick around and not to put myself in danger by doing the activities mentioned above.

So what does that leave for me, you ask? Well, pretty much two things: Golf and yoga (there are actually three things but the last one is personal between a man and his girlfriend, and we'll just keep it at that so as not to be vulgar). I have been playing golf for a while now, and it works well for me. I have been wanting to take up yoga for quite a while, and it looks like it will be a great alternative to going to the gym and banging out the weights to get in shape.

So, your boy here has decided to leave a portion of his life that used to be most of his life behind, for good. Maybe this is personal growth for me. I'm almost 30, and they really don't make it like they used to...

So now I've decided to simplify, to re-find my place in the field. Maybe giving up these things will help with that. Lord knows I need to do something...

So, I leave you with a quote as right now the Democratic National Convention is on right now and I really like Barack Obama against John McCain in this one. It's from Barack Obama's acceptance speech in St. Paul, Minnesota:

"America, this is our moment. This is our time, our time to turn the page on the policies of the past, our time to bring new energy and new ideas to the challenges we face, our time to offer a new direction for this country that we love. The journey will be difficult. The road will be long. I face this challenge -- I face this challenge with profound humility and knowledge of my own limitations, but I also face it with limitless faith in the capacity of the American people.

Because if we are willing to work for it, and fight for it, and believe in it, then I am absolutely certain that, generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs to the jobless, this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal, this was the moment when we ended a war, and secured our nation, and restored our image as the last, best hope on Earth. This was the moment, this was the time when we came together to remake this great nation so that it may always reflect our very best selves and our highest ideals."

It's about time.

Hey folks,

Thought I'd throw up the following video on my blog, for those that disliked Achmed:



This is one of my new favorite songs, "Crowd Chant" by Joe Satriani, done in Guitar Hero style. Do what I do, crank it up as loud as you can get it and let the notes fly.

Anyway, so where were we? Oh right, I'm back, kind of like new episodes of your favorite TV shows, as the writers have finally settled. About time too. I was going so stir crazy I was going to create my own network with spoofs of television shows, such as "Two and a Half Bens" (about a geneticist who attempts to clone himself twice, but messes up on the second one, leaving off his legs), "Hell's Kitchen" (no real spoof here, but this time actually have the contestants compete to be the head chef in, well, Hell. You could have Gordon Ramsay yelling at them when they screw up and get pissed off when Jeffrey Dahmer leaves - "Oh, cmon, Dahmer is leaving, that guy will eat anything!"), and then my crown jewel..."Straight Eye for the Queer Guy" (Five heterosexual men help a gay man to become more manly in order to attract a mate, with such activities as visiting strip clubs, replacing art with beer and sports mirrors, and hunting).

In addition, I was also thinking about a game show that has the premise of helping victims of natural disasters, only for the prizes to be completely inapproriate (example: Have a guy who survived both the tsunami and Hurricane Katrina and is understandably afraid of water, play for a prize of a vacation for one to a resort island in the middle of the South Pacific, where he will be surrounded by water). In addition, mix in a host who has Oprah-like qualities and who is outraged and shocked every time one of these prizes comes up, and you've got a game show worth watching.

Of course, when I told some friends about this, they suggested the following:

- A driving and car review show where they review crappy old cars as if they were new (The 1974 Volkswagen Cheraco had one-bar slide seating, one giant bucket seat, and an AM/FM radio and 8-track player. You can get it at your local used-car dealership (*ahem* junkyard *ahem*) for a great price of $20).

- A spoof of the iPod commercials, with the shadow of a soldier taking and reponding to enemy fire to the tune of Pat Benetar's "The Warrior". To top it off, instead of iPod, it'll appear as "iRaq".

Of course, as you can see, I've lost my mind, but when no one will provide you with good entertainment, make your own.

What do you guys think? Should I film these and fire 'em on YouTube as a free web show? Let me know eh...I've got a million warped ideas screaming for a canvas.

Hey folks,

Since I have some time right now, I am posting updates on my condition currently, and let us not forget that I always rant about something, so here we go.

First, regarding my condition, the ankle is doing well, but the left knee has been quite stiff since the accident. This morning I could not bend it until I threw on my menthol knee rub. After that it was fine, but I have done some self diagnosis (what the hell else am I going to do, build Rome?) and found that my knee was locked when I slept. Needless to say, I;ve corrected the issue by folding over the pillow under my knee to keep it bent. It has worked thus far, but tomorrow morning will be the proof in the pudding. I'll keep you posted.

Second, today was not a good day in BC Law & Order wise.

First example, we have a Sikh man who came to our country illegally on a fake passport and while here had a stroke that has left him invalid. Right now hw is holed up in a Sikh Temple in Abbotsford, using the "Sanctuary Rule" made famous by Victor Hugo's "The Hunchback of Notre Dame", meaning that he cannot be removed from the premises by anyone in a lawful position, including the Canadian Government. Needless to say, Ottawa was unimpressed and rightly ordered the man to be deported back to India, to be performed today.

So what happened? A giant rally with a very large Sikh community at the airport to keep that from happening, that's what.

What did the government do about that? Not a damn thing. They actually stayed the order, saying that this man is allowed to stay here, illegally, for now. Ottawa pussied out.

Let us look at the facts of this case, shall we? This man came to our country, illegally, with a fake passport. This man then became a burden on our already-stressed medical system when he had a stroke (through no fault of his own).

We know that he is not mentally the same man who committed the crime of using forged documents to enter our country, but that man is still alive, and as per the government ruling should be deported immediately back to India. Ignoring a government order is unacceptable, and those who showed up at the rally should have been arrested, all of them. These people no question would have rioted had the Canadian Immigration Department officers followed through on the order. It is not unheard if for our police forces to quell rioting or protesting (hell, remember the APEC summit at UBC that the police made into something ugly? How about the "March at the Arch"?), and they should have come out, stepped up, and enforced the law, period. This man has been ordered deported, and must be deported immediately.

Second example, two of the three teens who decided they were going to take a hatchet to another human being at a Hallowe'en party while they were beating him, leaving the victim quadriplegic, were sentenced today, and the punishment (as always in BC) came nowhere close to fitting the crime. People wonder why BC and Canada is such a joke when it comes to justice, well wonder no more. It is because of a bunch of retarded judges who only care about how black their robes are instead of punishing criminals who commit violent acts that we're such a joke, and this judge would be at the top of the cake. If I had to pick between this judge and a useless sack of freshly neutered dog testicles to look at and listen to, I'd pick the dog testicles. This judge should be ashamed of themselves for this verdict and disbarred for it. If I were a judge, in the case of violent crimes, there would be only one sentence: The perpetrator will be in service (like a butler or maid) to the victim and the victim's decendants and family for the rest of their natural life, and it would be STRICTLY enforced, with an exploding bodysuit wired to the criminal, to be terminated at any time by either the family or the province.

Now you know why I'm not a judge. I'd actually punish criminals in BC.

What do you think about it?

Hey Folks,

Welcome to another edition of Donovan's Rant, typed live from my couch on a very nice laptop.

Why am I here exactly? Because back on November 23rd, I broke my left ankle in two places, that's why.

The bad news (for me especially) is that it hurts, even though it has been surgically repaired (very long steel plate and screws). The good news is that is 6-8 weeks I will return to work, able to walk again.

How did it happen exactly? I was trying to be environmentally conscious. I attempted to corrugate a cardboard box with my right leg, and the box won. My left ankle could not hold my weight and snapped, twice.

Howver, it is fixed now, thanks to Canada's wonderful medical system.

So now I recuperate on the couch in peace, flip on the TV in between sleep sessions and catching up on work e-mails, and what do I see? More disclaimers.

Case in point: In Canada, there is a certain daytime drama show called "Paradise Falls", which airs on the Showcase network. This show has the following warning:

"This program contains Nudity, Sexuality, and Coarse Language. Veiwer Discretion is Advised".

Sounds promising, right? Wrong. The nudity (about 95% of the time) is nothing but rear ends. Does a person's naked ass even count as nudity anymore? I mean, we all know what they look like (if you don't, look in the mirror), and who cares anyway?

Not to mention, most of the time it is MALE asses. I don't care for that, I really don't. Showcase, if you want to do me a favour, put the disclaimers in two coloured backgrounds: Hot Red for female nudity, and Light Purple for male nudity. In the case of both, go with a tartan yellow background. Is that so hard? That way, I can prioritize my TV schedule based on this system and put my eyes where they deserve to be.

Not to mention, bring back both KYTV and Hale & Pace. Especially Hale & Pace as that is just great comedy. Nothing like frog cricket on a rainy day.

What do you think about the proposed system?

Hello folks,

Welcome to another weekly edition of Donovan's Rant.

This post's topic is something I have grown to despise in recent years, ever since the SuperBoob incident back in January 2004 (or whatever year it was).

What I am talking about folks, are disclaimers. Yes, those annoying messages that you see before your favorite show comes back on after a commercial break or before it starts really grind my gears, to borrow a phrase.

First off, do I really need to know that CSI (on Thursdays at 9pm on CBS for the near forseeable future) contains mature subject matter and violence that may be objectionable to some viewers? That's the reason I fucking watch it in the first place. A show named "Crime Scene Investigation" isn't going to have the now-familiar crew investigating a boxful of lovable puppies (each wrapped in a red bow) appearing on the doorstep of an orphanage.

It isn't going to happen, so why do they need to tell me something that I already know? Better still, why do they feel that they have to read it to me? Last time I checked I was epileptic, not retarded.

But of course CSI (and its incarnations and spinoffs) isn't the only one affected, oh no. They decided to use these same disclaimers against shows such as Family Guy and American Dad. can someone please explain to me how family Guy and American Dad (which have crude humour but are somewhat inoffensive and tongue-in-cheek) get disclaimers while the Simpsons get a pass, even while being in an ealier timeslot? I don't hate these programs, but if you are going to use disclaimers on family Guy, American Dad, and South park, then use it on the Simpsons too.

The sad thing is that who knows if these disclaimers will stop at one. Eventually the FCC, CRTC, and the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council (together known as the "Triangle of Television Terror") will start putting disclaimers before disclaimers. Imagine seeing something that in short says "the next thing you'll see is a disclaimer. It will contain instructions that you may choose to follow. Read and listen carefully".

At that point you might as well do what Elvis did: shoot the TV in disgust and read a book. Books don't have disclaimers, and the only one who'll read the text to you is yourself. Gotta like that eh...

That being said, how about the side effects for prescription and non-prescription drugs in Canada and the US. We have to deal with listening to some guy's voice telling us how great this drug is and how it will solve , but then you listen to the side effects and find out that not only will you feel the side effects you're supposed to fell (such a drowsiness for a sleeping aid), but they also might kill you, because that is what happened to some poor bastard in a testing group who just happened to need $100 a week.

Not only that, but these products that are supposed to be vaccines. I heard an ad for an e-coli in food vaccine for people that travel down to Mexico and other places so that they won't fell an effect commonly known as "Montezuma's Revenge". The first thing they tell you after taking this vaccine is to stay away from foods containing e-coli. As if I'm supposed to know? As if I'm in the kitchen saying "No, Juan, leave the raw meat off of my churro please". Give me a fucking break. When you are vaccinated, you should be able to do and eat whatever the fuck you want. If I take a vaccine to prevent against bees stinging my ass, I should be able to grab the nearest bee hive and shake that mother fucker until the bees start having seizures because with the vaccine, I shouldn't get stung, right? Wrong. According to these companies, even though you have the vaccine, you should stay away from doing these things in the first place. If you can't do what the vaccine should protect against, then it is not a vaccine, period.

Anyway, life isn't bad right now, but I had to get this rant down on paper before I forgot it (a side effect of the seizures and the meds), for all of you to enjoy or be annoyed by.

Agree or disagree? The response line is open...

Hello folks,

It has been a long time since I wrote here, and part of that I think was that the decor of what was Edge's Realm didn't really fit me.

So, as you can see, I redecorated. In addition, I changed the name of "Edge's Realm" to "Donovan's Rant". I mean, all I do here is rant about what is going on in the world, so it only makes sense that I take the wonderful book title "Donovan's Reef" and turn it into "Donovan's Rant".

All in all I like the redecoration. It's kind of like putting compact fluorescent bulbs into a room that was running 60 watt bulbs previously. You flip the switch after putting them in, and you get a new appreciation for something as simple as the light that shines on you. If you don't believe me, get a pack of compact fluorescents, then take a drab room and fire 'em in...you'll notice the difference, trust me.

The only thing I can say that is bad about the redecoration of my blog is that I have to use a Cityscape Seattle theme when, while they do have a Cityscape Toronto (boo, hiss!), they don't have a Cityscape Vancouver option. It definitely gives me reason to fire up the Photoshop and create my own.

Hell, who am I kidding? To capture the beauty of Vancouver in a small-ass banner graphic would be next to impossible. The beauty of Vancouver is better off where it is, so that every Vancouverite can enjoy it.

So, that being said, welcome to Donovan's Rant, and here's the first one for you:

Today, my rant is about the white glove treatment of Hollywood starlets by the police for stuff that would get Joe Blow from Fresno thrown into San Quentin's General Population for a very long time.

First off, Lindsay Lohan: Lindsay, we like you, but getting drunk and coked up and then chasing down your assistant's mother is not the way to live your life. Get off the snowcone, get yourself clean, admit you messed up and accept the consequences of your actions, and do some worthwhile community service. Serve in a crack-baby ward, taking care of those innocents who were affected by others who went down the same path you went down and weren't so lucky. After that, get back to acting, and be grateful everyday that there are still people willing to pay good money to see your films. That being said, do more films like "A Prairie Home Companion".

Second, Paris Hilton: Paris, we don't like you. Sorry, let me clarify that: We REALLY don't like you. You have absolutely no talent and the only reason you live the life you do is because your ancestors had a mind to create a worldwide legacy that serves the people of this planet. Your legacy serves no one except yourself. You got what you deserved when you went to prison. I got what I deserved because I got to see your crying face on my wallpaper. You're still an attention whore, even in 1400X1280 resolution. The only thing I am not glad about was your sentence. You should have been given considerably more for driving drunk then you did, and your case set a very dangerous precedent in the law world. I am waiting on the day where an alleged killer's lawyer can quote "People v. Hilton" and get half of his client's possible sentence slashed in half, all because the killer showed up to court that day on time. I'm willing to bet the judge's laugh will be so hard that you'll hear it, and deep down you'll realize that it's not the attorney he's laughing at, but you, and your legacy of stupidity.

Third, Nicole Ritchie: Nicole, congrats on the upcoming child. Now don't fuck it up. While your past was nothing short of insane, your future and the future of your child shouldn't be.

Fourth, Britney Spears: Britney, what the fuck? I didn't want to see the day where I would mention the words "Kevin Federline" and "stable parent" in the same sentence. Then you went bat shit fucking nuts and now I'm rooting for him. You need some time to yourself in an actual rehab facility, strapped to a bed and going through junk withdrawal. The experience will make you tougher, and maybe put some sanity back into that mind of yours.

That is my rant for today, so let's sum it up, shall we:

Hollywood starlets should be treated like everyone else, and if Joe Blow from Fresno gets 5 years for coke possession and DUI, Lindsay Lohan should too. Just because your name is in lights doesn't mean that if you fuck up you magically don't get to wear the prison tights.

There it is folks, and that's Donovan's Rant.

Hey folks,

So my headline pretty much says it all here. I had another seizure on Sunday afternoon while I was taking a shower. I didn't have anything to eat except for my meds and then proceeded to take my shower...and the next thing I remember was my father hauling me out of the shower after I hit my head on everything (including the soap dish but not the kitchen sink) and waiting for the paramedics to come. I was in a very deep sleep, but could hear everything around me and respond to it. However, anytime I tried to talk a stream of snoring came out of my mouth.

I was then tended to by paramedics and two fire trucks and hauled off to hospital (I was properly covered before I went there, thank God), where I slept for a couple of hours before being discharged. My father and mother saved my life Sunday afternoon, because if they were not there, I would have died or, if I had survived, been paralyzed (I landed funny on my neck and almost was paralyzed according to doctors, having missed it by a fraction of an inch).

So, now I can't drive for another six months (clock resets to 0) and, if I didn't want to admit it in February, I'll admit it now. The man you have known as the screen name Edge has now been reduced to a single word:

Epilepsy.

That word is what is on my medic-alert bracelet and what will also be on my medic alert dog-tag. That single word will keep me from ever properly being covered by a medical plan or possibly getting any worthwhile insurance. My life, as I knew it and enjoyed it, has now been changed forever.

But it is not over. The mystical Phoenix rised from the ashes to become stronger and I must, in turn, do the same. The main question is how?

The first thing I have to do is make amends with my father, as he was visibly shaken when he saw me in full seizure before he rushed to save my life. He truly earned the respect a son gives a father, and as long as I live I will never be able to repay him, or even show him how greatful I am that he was there to save my life. All I can do is thank him, hug him, and tell him how much I love him every day.

The second thing I have to do is assure my future wife (I am very close to proposing, just to let you know) that despite this we will be able to have a full life together, and I will be able to provide for her, our son, and our future family. The good news is she is committed to reminding me to take my pills, drink water, and actually EAT something once in a while.

After that, who knows...maybe that is my eternal question. Not "What is the meaning of life?" but rather "Why me? Why was I given this?" Perhaps I'll never know.

Anyway, enough of that. Here is a list of things I am pissed off about:

1) Sidney Crosby winning the NHL MVP over Roberto Luongo. This was an absolute joke. Luongo stood on his head and led the Canucks back to the second round whereas Crosby scored goals and did sweet fuck all in the first round. How Gary Bettman and the NHL found 424 sportswriters (the difference between Crosby's and Luongo's vote totals) to vote strictly for Crosby having not watched game film of Roberto Luongo this season, I'll never know. Luongo should have won the MVP Award, and I hope next year the 'Nucks win the Cup so that he can shove it straight up Bettman's ass.

2) The Administration of one George W. Bush in leading the United States. This guy's administration is not listening to the American people, lying in order to continue an illegal war, and is motre corrupt than the Nixon White House was and the people are doing nothing. Even Democrats are doing nothing. Where is Osama Bin Laden? Does anyone know by now? What we do know is that there are 3700 American children who have been laid in flag-draped coffins because of this joker, and that needs to stop not tomorrow, not after breakfast, but now. Canada was right not to join this war, and to this day I am glad they didn't. We support Afghanistan because that is where Bin Laden and Al-Quaeda are and that is where we should be until Bin Laden is brought to justice. The U.S. Armed Forces should have stayed there, to get the real enemy of the American people.

There. That's it. Another great installment of "what I'm angry about this week".

Good night, good luck, and may your Gods go with you.

What is up folks...

It has been a long time since I wrote here, and I am not sure if anyone still reads this, but nevertheless I write here because at this point I need something to be therapeutic.

Why do I say this? Well, let's see...since my last update I:

- gained a new skill at work (yay)
- am still in a wonderful amazing long-term relationship
- successfully DJ'd and MC'd my 10-year high school reunion AND

- experienced a seizure after working out at the gym and was diagnosed with epilepsy

Ok, that last one, I admit, not as cool as the others, but it happened, so it makes the list.

Yes folks, I am an epileptic. After 28 years of not having any seizures whatsoever, I lose consciousness after feeling lightheaded during my workout (I had a granola bar, a banana, and two packs of fruit snacks along with a bottle of water for lunch that day and figured I was cool to work out at the gym without any issue) and wake up being hauled into emergency and being told I suffered a seizure.

I stayed in the hospital for two days and had every possible kind of test run on me (except for an MRI which is first week of April) and find out from the neurologist that I have a small scar on my brain due to being pulled out using forceps when I was born and that is why I am an epileptic (according to the neurologist who also kindly pointed out that the right side of my brain is considerably bigger than the left side of my brain).

So, there it is. I'm an epileptic, and I can't drive to work since I have to be seizure free for six months before I can drive again. At the moment I am on short-term disability from work (who have been very cool with me and just want me to get well and get back to work whenever I can).

And that folks, sadly, is not the end of the story.

While I was in the hospital for two days, my IV was put nto my arm incorrectly and I developed an infection in my right arm (it got swollen and red and I thought it was broken), and I found out that the only way to get rid of the infection is another IV WHERE...in my left arm for five days, so I had the port and lock (the part that is in your arm that attaches to the IV) in my fucking arm for five fucking days (pardon my language).

The infection is gone though, and I meet with the neurologist tomorrow afternoon to discuss my bloodwork and how the anti-seizure drug that I now have to take for the rest of my natural life is working with my blood.

So that is my life thus far...whoop dee freakin' doo.

Anyway, thought this thing below was funny, so enjoy.

Up Late With Stewie & Brian

Have a good night folks...I'm going to go watch hockey (which the Canucks are kicking ass at right now). Thank God for small mercies.

Hey folks,

Noreen let me know that I hadn't updated this in a while, and now that I am okay enough to type I think I should tell you why. As you might have been able to guess from my headline for this post, on November 30th I was in an accident on Highway 99 going northbound at 5:30AM PST. It started when the Volkswagen Golf I was driving hit a patch of black ice on my left hand side and began to spin, and ended with both a Ford F-150 and a Honda Accord crashing into me.

I completed the perfect 180 degree spin in time to watch the Ford F-150 slam head on into me, taking the intial impact full on (the airbags did deploy, but while I was safe the gas they use for those things stinks of death and made me thought that the car was filling with exhaust), and then after that while I was in the darkness of the cabin of my car, I took another impact when the Accord slammed into the truck, thus again causing me (by chain reaction) to feel that impact as well.

I was taken to hospital and run through a battery of tests (Echo cardio gram, CT Scan, 4 Electro Cardio Grams, and a series of bloodwork and pulse/blood pressure testing) to find that the airbag had caused inflammation around my heart and I had two sore kness (sore to the point that I can barely walk properly) and a massive brise on my right arm (more from the IV they jammed in than anything else).

Needless to say, I am on two drugs currently: Naproxen for the inflammation of my heart (after taking of which I can't lie down for a hlaf hour or else I'll die - according to the four-page report on this drug) and Tylenol 3 (the greatest drug known to sore man).

Other than the above, I'm fine. The car is gone, completely (written off as the front end was beyond repair).

And now, on to the update...

My friend Rob is getting married on the 18th of December and we did his bachelor party at the River Rock Casino (nothing like a bunch of guys brinking Bailey's and Coffee and playing blackjack at the $5 table all night long). I walked out with a $20 profit (yay!).

...and the other day I received an e-mail from my friend Alex who is also taking the plunge...with his girlfriend...in Australia. Yes, that's right, Australia in February, and guess who he picked to be the best man...yours truly. So, needless to say, I have to get a passport and an Australian visitor visa to go there, and I'll only be there primarily for the wedding (Alex, you better have a suit in my size man) and no sightseeing as I get back on the plane to go home.

It makes me think that, as I get older, I might be the next man to take the plunge. Who knows...maybe it is about time for this cowboy to settle down at the ranch and till the soil for the rest of his days.

I think I've found the right girl for it...

Good afternoon from the Pacific Northwest folks!

It had been a while since I updated this thing, so for those who still read this, here's the update:

Work is good. I have been there two months now and I can fully say that I have never been happier working for any other company than I am working for this one. It is good to get some kind of stability professionally and I feel that since I am now older I can appreciate it more.

With this stability however, comes a day that I have rued since I graduated high school: The ten-year reunion, where your life goes under a microscope for others in your class to compare themselves to simply because you RSVP'd and don't want to disappoint the former choir colleague who is organizing the event by blowing it off. Truth is though, even though I have had ups and downs (some good, some bad, some completely messed up), I feel like I haven't really accomplished anything.

Am I really any different than the 18-year old who graduated so many years ago?

I feel like, even though my world view has become more ruined and black than it was when I first started living in the "real world" due to the experiences I have had in my life thus far, I haven't really done anything that is unique or that has made me stand out.

Maybe I just need to write some of the comedy in my head down on paper...stuff like "Pimp My Wife" and "Newlyweds: Israeli and Palestinian" should at least see the light of day, even if it reveals the depravity of the author and is condemned by the rest of the world.

Am I the only one on the planet who thinks the idea of an old lady getting hit by a bus turning into the demonstration sport for the 2010 Winter Olympics is funny?

Anyway, enough of that. Hockey season has (sort of) started and the Canucks are 0-3 in the preseason, with our new goalie Roberto Luongo promptly earning two franchise records: fastest goal scored upon him in a preseason game (1:21 into the game by San Jose) and then the breaking of that record the next night (21 seconds into the game by Anaheim). The team is paying this guy close to 7 million and he can't make a save to save his life? Son of a...

Update three: I saw Peter Frampton recently in concert and I do recommend seeing his show if you get the chance. Hell of a guitarist and pretty funny too. Also seeing The Who in concert in October at GM Place. Maybe they will perform that song from CSI...or all three of them from the assorted shows. Truthfully, besides Roger Daltrey screaming, I want to see Peter Townshend play "Pinball Wizard" on an acoustic guitar, and then destroy the thing afterward. I would die a very happy man if I saw that.

Update four, I am back with my American girlfriend after a year and a half apart from her. I have my family back, and I have never been happier. Zachary (her son and the little man I have helped raise since he was six months old) even has developed his sense of humour and is funny as hell besides being the smartest almost 5 year old I've ever seen.

Hmmm...thinking about him...maybe I did pass something on.
Maybe I did accomplish something in my life thus far.

PS: My good friend Dan, who I have not spoken to in a long time (my fault completely) has a new girlfriend, Melanie. Apparently she is very pretty and I want to officially welcome her to "the group". Dan is our official record keeper, and no doubt you have heard some of the greatest stories of our group's history thus far. Melanie, welcome.

Edison is rappelling down a building in Vancouver and needs your support. Give generously and if you have already, thank you.

...and my old friend Carolina is apparently getting married. Congratulations to her and her future husband. I wish you both a long life together and pass along these words: Fall in love with each other over again every single day and never tire of each other. Intimacy is not just the physical, it is the emotional and the comfortable. Treasure the slow times for they are few and far between in this modern world, and last but not least always be each other's rock to hold on to when everything else has floated away in the ever-raging river that is this life.

Cheers.

Now I'm gonna stop writing because I am running out of things to say. Good night, good luck, and may your gods go with you.

What is up people who still read this...

Your boy is back again with another update.

Well, I am working again, this time for a wonderful company named Top Producer. I make an awesome amount of money (salaried position over 34 grand a year) and work Monday-Friday, 7am-3:30pm. I just started on July 19th, but I think this will be the last company I might ever work for. I get RRSP, full benefits, and a chance to actually move up in the company. Can't go wrong there. The commute is only 45 minutes either way (beats the crap out of West Van at 2 hours per way per day), and I more than enjoy the drive there and back.

The heat out here has been stifling to say the least. Sometimes you are lucky if you get any sleep in a given night, because the heat that happens during the day stays for the night as well. I wish it would rain, because it would be a welcome change from the heat quite honestly. Freaking global warming...Al Gore was right, and even then it wouldn't get him elected unfortunately.

Can't belive the insane shit that has been happening lately in the world...Iraq, Afghanistan, North Korea, Israel and Lebanon, Syria, Iran, the US, and Canada. It seems everybody is losing their minds...Zidane headbutts a guy during the World Cup final, a guy headbutts a horse, and a guy who rides a bike in the Tour De France and actually wins it is found to have a higher testosterone count than the average male...maybe he was carrying Lance Armstrong's cancerous ball with him....I don't know. The entire world just needs to stop, sit back, take a deep breath, and say "What the fuck?" every once in a while.

Anyway, I saw Clerks 2, and it was the perfect way to "finish" the entire series. jay and Silent Bob strike back was supposed to do it, but I think this one is more complete, ending with the same two characters, Dante and Randall, who started the entire thing in the first place. Rosario Dawson bouncing around to the Jackson 5 is awesome to watch too...she is gorgeous. Sadly, the song picked by my high-school graduating class was used in the film, right after a scene in which two characters describe beastiality...err...inter-species erotica. Kind of disturbing, but we couldn't have seen that coming back in 1997. The movie was funny, and I recommend it.

In addition, there are a lot of movies out there that not very many people have seen that should be seen, as if to promote the film gentre and support original ideas in Hollywood again. These movies are as follows, and I recommend all of them.

1) John Q - Denzel Washington's post-Oscar role where he plays a father who takes a hospital hostage in order to get medical care for his son, who needs a heart transplant. Well worth it, and james Woods is excellent in it as well.

2) Cinderella Man - Russell Crowe gives another excellent performance that quite honestly I would consider his greatest role since "Gladiator". The true story of Jim Braddock and his family, fighting to survive during the depression. It was filmed in Toronto, and there are a ton of canadian actors in this one, including Nicholas Campbell (Da Vinci's Inquest). See this film, I beg you.

3) The Rocket - A great Canadian film in mixed French (with English subtitles) and actual English, this is the true story of Maurice "The Rocket" Richard, from the first time he laced up skates while he was working in a factory as a young 15 year old kid making munitions for the war, to making the Canadiens team, to the language barriers that existed and the somewhat barbaric way that the game was played and the fans were treated in the infant NHL. Roy Dupuis was born to play that role, and he does so perfectly.

See these films...soon. The way Hollywood is going with remakes, there may never be an original idea left.

That is my rant and update...tell me what you think. Comments are welcomed as always.

Hey folks,

I am feeling great. I have gotten back into the gym to get myself in shape (I am now down to 210 pounds as I write this) and have been chosen for the Telus 4-year apprenticeship for Home Phone Installation and Repair. Yes, I will be a telephone repairman...and I couldn't be happier :-)

Everything is good right now, and it is because of my unwavering faith in God that I am still here today. I have lost and regained, have finished what I started, and am now on track to have my own car and apartment by the end of the year.

Life is good, and to quote a friend of mine, "Never refuse a moment to stop and smell the roses your hard work produces, as long as that moment does not conflict with work".

Also, here is a great clip of what the State Of The Union Address (that thing the US President does that interrupts good American television once a year) would sound like if it were done by Al Gore. From Saturday Night Live, and Al Gore is actually doing the dialogue. I pissed myself laughing watching this and I hope you will too. make sure you download it to your hard drive and don't stream it though...you will want to savour the flavour on this one.

...and I'm out.

Hey folks,

I guess I should explain the title of this one, but I think the scars, scrapes, and sore muscles pretty much tells the tale for me.

This past weekend I, along with my friends (whose names have been changed to protect the non-stupid - "Doc", "Nature Boy", "Tha Twinz", and "Soldya Boy") went down to Seaside, Oregon for three days of road trips, junk food, DVD's, CD's, and alleged "p*ssy" (despite the fact that all of these men - 'cept me - are in committed relationships).

Once we arrived we headed down to the beach in Oregon State Park (interestingly enough this is the beach where the classic 80's film "The Goonies" was filmed) and decided to first play some good old "beach footbol" (beach soccer to the non-footbol lover). After getting waxed 10-4 and damn near having a heart attack, the guys decied they were going to go on a hike down the beach and see many of the beautiful natural waterfalls and eroded etchings in the cliff walls. I joined along because, well, I don't do a lot of hiking, but it was something to do to burn off more calories.

Then folks, the true stupidity set in.

About an hour and a half into our hike, we see the ultimate rock wall (no handhelds, and more grass and dirt than solid ground), and we decided to try to scale it, thinking we could get back to the main road. The climb itself was fine...well, it was for my friends. They decided to stop when falling rock became a serious concussion hazard.

Unfortunately, I didn't get the message, and I kept climbing. Keep in mind in the climbing party, I was third (two sensible people ahead of me, and two behind me). I had something to prove, and a view to see, so I kept climbing. I finished my climb at about two hundred feet up, not getting to the main road, but seeing the most beautiful view of my life and what could have possibly been my last view if I had fallen off.

Thanks to one of Tha Twinz, that didn't happen, and I am greatful. "Nazzy" guided me back down the rock face and back on solid ground. I got handshakes from the rest of the crew and a big hug from "Doc" who was convinced he would have to actually ply his craft on the trip had I fallen, and a shitload of scoldings for being dumb, but dammit, I felt good about it, and I lived to talk about it, and that is all that matters.

Then we went to Seattle and watched the Garden Gnome we had originally nicknamed "Leon Chompsky" take a trip to the Pike Place Market, and, courtesy of the group that throws fish, we watched our good friend Chompsky get whacked courtesy of a six-foot katana Blade usually used to cut Marlin. So Chompsky became Chopsky and we continued on.

Now I am sore and tired, so I am outta here. Good night.

Hi, Hey, Hello...

This is my first update of the new year and I hope everyone is having a good time thus far in 2006.

I have news (obviously, or I wouldn't be writing here, right)?

My news is this: I am now working for a company out in West Vancouver that designs websites from scratch, and they have trusted me with a big chunk of the day to day business at hand. I am not only supporting customers, but also handling a bit of the accounting, corporate bounty hunting, and new sales and accounts as well as designing.

Finally, I am being used to the fullest extent of my capability in a job that challenges me to be the best I can be every single day and that I enjoy doing. The commute is a bit of a pain (Highway 1 sucks ass btw), but when the sun shines off of the waters of the Pacific Ocean outside my office window, it makes it all worthwhile, provided the sun isn't blinding me or keeping me from seeing my computer screen that is.

Also, I have started reading "Jim Cramer's Real Money". It is a book about finding the trends in investing, doing your homework, looking for good companies to invest in and when to cash out, and knowing when to cash out and how to play the market to your advantage. you won't beat the market, but you can make it work for you. I recommend this book for anyone who has always been interested in the stock market but has always been afraid of it. This book will remove the fear of the market and show you that anyone can play, as long as you are smart about it.

Anyway, that is all I had to say right now...my Canucks have lost their third straight to the hated Red Wings as of the date of this message, and my observation on Canucks Hockey is this: "Being a Canucks fan is like being into sadomasochism, but without the good drugs or the sexual feelings...just a house of pain".

I am out, for now.

Hey again folks,

Just dropping by to my corner of the LJ server to let you know what has been going on since the last time I dropped in...

First, my first project FreeBC.ca has launched. I am very proud of the site and the clothing I have designed, and will add more content and games as time permits in between advertising and marketing the site. I am very proud of it, and it felt good getting my hands dirty in code again, even if it was just HTML, CSS, and Javascript.

Second, I have started looking for another job in order to add to my savings and to get out of the nuthouse that my place turns into the second the month reaches December. With many holidays and my birthday in this month, it is going to be quite insane. I am turning 27 if anyone is interested, and I would rather not think about the fact that I am down to a single digit number when anyone mentions the dreaded number that no doubt I will turn in about 3 years time.

That is about it really, for now. I can't think of anything else to say, except that I raise my glass of ginger ale in a toast to those who are here and who've stuck by me, those who are not but who I know are behind me, and those in the future who I have yet to meet, life's lemons are sour, but lemonade is just too sweet!

SEMPER FI!

Hey folks,

I have not had time to update recently, mainly because I have been working the graveyard shift for the last three weeks.

Now that it is over however, here is the "State Of The Realm Address"...

First off, on the professional front, I am at a crossroads right now as the company that I loved so dear and dreamed of working for since I was sixteen years old decided not to renew my contract for another six months recently. My last day of work is October 28th. I have no idea where to go from here, except I know that I will never go back to work in a call centre/helpdesk/slavery farm/abuse fest/pain in my ass. I am not even sure that I will return to the technical industry at all, as there are many other ways to make a mark on the world then by fixing one person's computer at a time. I have been thinking about going into the t-shirt business, with an evil twist. I am not going to discuss it further, but if the world depravity levels continue to soar, I can make a lot of money with it.

Second, my personal life is non-existent (extinct) right now, so I have had plenty of time to research and read about the other gender and how to be better to them both in relationships and professionally as well as how to balance all of it. I am currently reading a book called "The Way Of The Superior Man" by David Deida, and I recommend it to any man who feels that they are on the outside looking in, that they could be better than they are but have no place to start. It has helped me a lot, and I am now able to understand a lot about what exactly women want from a good relationship as well as their most intimate desire in relationships as well as life. Keep in mind, I plan on reading it a second time after I finish, so that I will fully understand the messages Deida describes and therefore be ready should I choose to pick up the gauntlet again.

Third, I have delayed my plans indefinitely (sadly) because no one knows how long it will take to be successful at the t-shirt game (if at all).

I leave you with a quote before I end my address to you tonight: "To Succeed without Risk is to Conquer without Glory".

Good night, good luck, and may your gods go with you.